A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

So began a special series of blockbuster movies that has an enormous grip (a Force grip, maybe?) on a mostly male subset of society, the Star Wars epic. The good-versus-evil space drama has made a noticeable impact on a few successive generations, and you can see it in modern car enthusiasts today. If there's any thread that holds sport compact fans together besides cars, it has to be a love for Star Wars.

Our appreciation for the sci-fi classic and love of cars took a weird turn recently, though. We heard from a photographer that Darth Vader, in all his breathy, evil radiance, was spotted around town, driving an Ariel Atom no less. What? A famous Sith Lord lives in the L.A. area and prefers a spare, skeletal Atom over something more grandiose (and private)? Something didn't seem right about that mental picture.

And then we saw the car. Suddenly, it all made sense.

It was story too good to pass up, so we goaded photog Jacob Leveton and a writer who will at the moment remain anonymous (we're still trying to contact next of kin) to hunt down and get the interview with Emperor Palpatine's right-hand man. Leveton came back with some pretty cool shots; unfortunately our scribe wasn't as lucky. Read on to see where the interview turned south...

UrbanRacer: After your run-in with your estranged son, Luke, and the Emperor, everyone pretty much believed you had bought the farm. What happened in reality? How did you end up in this part of the galaxy?
Darth Vader: That whole thing was faked. It was the 1980s, times were changing and I tried to change with them. People just weren't into the whole dark mask thing much anymore - even KISS stopped wearing their makeup. It was time to shake things up a bit.

Unfortunately, things didn't work out for me mask-less, either. My skin was a mess, and I just didn't seem as mean without it. I yelled at a lot of kids to stay off my lawn, but they wouldn't listen. Eventually I was laughed out of the galaxy. I came to this miserable rock to start over.

UR: We're a bit surprised to see a Sith Lord is such a car junkie. You're pretty handy in a TIE advanced x1 fighter, which seems a bit more complicated to pilot than an Ariel Atom. How do you explain your attraction to internal-combustion engine sport compact cars?
DV: TIE fighters are junk, everyone knows that. One shot and BOOM, you're space dust. But the real reason that I switched from a TIE to the Atom is that I couldn't hear the induction noise in a TIE fighter. TIE fighters are supposed to make a great screaming induction sound, but as everyone knows in space no one can hear you scream. On Earth, however, this is an entirely different situation. The Atom's induction scream is MUCH better than any TIE fighter's.

UR: Which suits you more, TIE fighter or Atom?
DV: The Atom, of course. Look at it. It's not exploding. You can actually sit in it for longer than 30 seconds without it exploding. A TIE fighter is the most explosive vehicle in the galaxy. You look at it wrong, it explodes. It's almost as bad as a Ford Pinto.

UR: How did you end up with an Atom? What about the car appeals to you?
DV: I like that no one can escape me, despite the car's lack of a tractor beam. I like that its darkness inspires fear in the weak. I like that it is naturally powerful in the Dark Side of the downforce.

UR: We've heard that there were other cars you drove, for instance the Buick Grand National. What's the story there?
DV: Actually, I've had several of your Earth cars over the years. The first time I came to your planet in the 1970s, I was given what was considered at the time the most awesome vehicle worthy of me, a customized, airbrushed themed van. There was even a model made of the vehicle and a full marketing campaign (picture at: click here).

I can understand it was the '70s and you Earthlings liked vans and discos and such, but I hated it. I Force choked everyone involved. There were no survivors of that fiasco.

You humans learned your lesson well, and next time I came to your planet in the '80s I was given a black Buick Grand National. It was closer to what I consider appropriate - but it was a Buick. I only Force choked the guy who decided on the car being a Buick; everything else about it was okay. I really wanted a black Lamborghini at the time, but I couldn't fit in one. Disappointing...

In the 90's I spent some time in Japan and drove a black R32 GT-R. I liked that one. I could plug directly into the car's air conditioning system.

UR: What's the typical reaction when people see Lord Vader behind the wheel of an Atom?
DV: Usually people stare in stark terror. I like that. Sometimes they start laughing and pointing, but those reactions usually turn to a gurgling, choking, wide-eyed terror. Oh, and kids think it's cool.

UR: Since it appears as though you worked on your own pod racer as a kid, and in fact are part cyborg, does that automatically make you mechanically inclined? Or do you rely on the Repair Manual when you're working on your cars? Or do you have a mechanic? Do you ever use the Force to wrench on your cars?
DV: My skills with the adjustable metric wrench are quite powerful; I can also do some good welding with my light saber. As for Repair Manuals, they are unnecessary, usually holding great power over the weak minded. I have no mechanics currently, though I used to have several, but killed them all for incompetence.

As for using the Force for enacting repairs, of COURSE I've used it for this. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do electrical work or recover dropped screws in tight spaces wearing these gloves?

UR: Has anything been done to the Atom? Would you ever consider putting a hyperdrive on that thing? Maybe some laser cannons? Proton torpedoes?
DV: This Atom is the most powerfully accelerating ground skimmer in the galaxy, but its downforce and acceleration pale in significance to the power of the Dark Side. I'm working on that, though. I think if I get the right rubber compounds in place, I might be able to pull 2g's lateral - now THAT would be almost as powerful as the Force.

As for weapons, this car is armed with the most incredibly deadly arsenal: me.

UR: The Atom is such a sparse car - does that thing on your chest have navigation? Or any other driver aides?
DV: Don't be stupid. All the buttons and dials on my chestplate are used for serious purposes...well, except for these two (points to various buttons). This one is my OnStar button, and this one calls my parents when I'm ready to be picked up from the movies.

UR: Does your helmet restrict your sight when you're driving? It seems like it would limit peripheral vision...
DV: Sheesh, try piloting a TIE fighter sometime.

UR: How are your driving skills? Could you take on a landspeeder and win? How about a speeder bike? A pod racer?
DV: All of these vehicles are quite easy to drive, though I wouldn't want to race a speeder bike in the Atom through a forest. Too much junk in the way.

UR: If you're having a particularly bad day, do you ever just get in the Atom and go for a spin? Where's your favorite place to go cruising? Tatooine? Naboo? In a hangar onboard your Star Dreadnought, the Executor?
DV: I have to admit that driving the Atom does bring me pleasure after a long, stressful day of putting people in their place. I usually take it on touge runs in the local mountains to work out the cobwebs and get a fresh outlook on things. The only downside is sometimes I'll find lesser drivers up there, too. A little Force push is all it takes, though, and they're out of my way (and usually down the side of the mountain).

UR: What about flogging the Atom - what tracks have you taken the Atom on?
DV: I've driven the Atom on Selidus III, the Andobi Mountain run, Ando Prime, Aquilaris, The Grapevine, Hallett and Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca.

UR: Is there any track you would like to visit? Why?
DV: The Nürburgring, of course. I wish to conquer that course, and maybe even seduce Sabine to the Dark Side of the Force.

UR: What's more fun, killing a bunch of Jedi or running the canyons in the Atom?
DV: Both are equally fun, and I look forward to combining the two sometime soon. I like the Earth film "Death Race 2000" and would like to try it out myself.

UR: Do you think people from the Rebel Alliance/Old Republic are looking for you? If you could send them a message, what would you say?
DV: You ask too many questions... (extends hand towards interviewer, begins Force choking him)

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